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Ever since I was a teenager I had a fairly clear overall purpose in life. I knew God had put Africa and orphans in my heart. I knew that desire would one day lead to adoption and also strongly believed I would do missions work in some capacity at some point.
For 15 years I had this clear vision in life, it’s one of the reasons I was able to persevere throughout the ups and downs of our adoption process. Then this last winter as we completed Ephraim’s adoption I also felt like I completely lost my purpose.
Honestly, it felt as though God took that desire away, as though he had given it to me to make sure we adopted and that’s where it was to end for us.
For someone who has had such a strong life vision for so many years this lack of a bigger purpose over the last 9 months has left me floundering. There are things I want to do, small goals I want to accomplish but without that overarching goal I feel empty and confused.
I never used to understand people that didn’t have a passion and a dream for their life, that didn’t have a cause to fight for, and now I am one of them.
I honestly don’t know if anyone reads this blog anymore, I started it as a place to advocate for the orphan and adoption and even though that fight has all gone out of me I don’t feel as though I can give up writing in this space. I find writing out my thoughts helps, if not to bring clarity than at least to organize my thoughts a little. And so, I will keep writing. I need to keep writing.
Thanks to all those who are still reading, I always read your comments even if I don’t reply.